Deep-Seated Worries

[sirius orion black]

Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
BUT I'VE BECOME WHAT I CAN'T BE
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sirius’ first day back had been as he had imagined. After having spent two months in cooped up in his room in Number 12 Grimmauld Place and being separated from his best mates, Sirius had been right that he would not be able to keep himself from smiling like he had gone barmy when he saw James, Remus and Peter inside the school train that afternoon. He caught up with the other boys’ summer, quite jealous but happy to hear that the three boys enjoyed their holidays more than he did. Sirius, of course, recounted his summer to them, from the moment he saw his parents waiting for him in the platform up until he bid him goodbye before boarding the train. Everything was even lighter and happier than he had imagined and it remained that way until Regulus’ sorting that evening, which left Sirius utterly disappointed and rather worried about his little brother.

The start of year feast finished about four hours ago and Sirius now lie awake in bed, stil not over the hat’s decision about Regulus. He was both disappointed at how his brother turned out and worried that it might be too late to make him see the error of their parents, of their family. Sirius shut his eyes and tried to sleep it off. But instead of falling asleep, he kept hearing the sorting hat say Slytherin and seeing Narcissa’s rather proud face. The image coerced him to open his eyes at once. Of course she was proud that her youngest cousin made it in Slytherin, unlike his no good brother Sirius. Sirius could not care less about Narcissa of course and it was Regulus’ sorting that concerned him. He was not a fool. He had expected his brother to be in Slytherin but he still kept an open mind. Truthfully, he hoped he’d be in Ravenclaw. That way their parents will not hate him like they do Sirius but at the same time, Regulus will be exposed to different kind of people. Maybe that way, he will not turn completely rotten like the rest of his family.

Letting out a sigh, he finally gave up trying to sleep. He got up, slipped on his slippers and robes and nicked James’ invisibility cloak from his friend’s trunk. Slinking toward the door, he looked around the second year boys dormitory, nobody else moved and the sound in the room only were a mixture of the other boys’ snores. It was not surprising because it had been a long day. Quietly, he covered himself with the cloak before slipping out of the room, descending the stairs and stepping into the common room. It was deserted just as he had expected. Slowly, he made his way to the portrait hole and stepped out of the Gryffindor tower. He absently walked and took a couple of secret passageways and arrived in the kitchens. Deciding that it would be nice to sit down, he tickled the pear and went in. He immediately removed the cloak, stuffed it inside the pocket of his robes and made his way to a bench, refusing all the food that the house elves offered along the way. When the house elves left him alone, he just sat there and stared at nothing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

WORD COUNT 546
NOTES Hey hey
TAGGED Open
STATUS Finished
CREDITS Stop and Stare - OneRepublic
This template is made by Doe-Eyed Harlot of Caution.

[remus john lupin]

Remus was so glad to be back at Hogwarts. The summer had felt like it had lasted an age, not that he hadn't had fun, but he was eager to get back and see his three best friends again. His parents had made sure this summer was a great one, as they always did, because they understood why their son was too scared to leave the house and play with other children. It wasn't as if Remus feared that he would ever hurt anyone, but the fact that if anyone else found out what he was then he would be ostracized because of it. That was one of his greatest fears. He was loathe to tell his three best friends the truth purely because he was scared that they would think him a monster and not want to be his friend anymore. If it weren't for his parents constantly standing right beside him, supporting him the entire time, Remus wasn't sure how he would have turned out. He felt that without their constant reassuring and help that he gradually turn into a monster, as vile and cruel as the man who bit him when he was younger.

When September the first had finally came around, Remus had been counting down to that day, he was both nervous and excited to see his friends again. He had a few new cuts and bruises marking his flesh which his friends would surely question him about, but he hoped the long-sleeved sweater he wore would hide them. He tugged nervously at his sweater as he waited to see his friends at platform nine and three-quarters. When Remus finally found them, he abandoned his trolley and went running over with a smile, completely unbidden, on his face. Remus almost wanted to hug them, but then he held himself back and they all immediately launched into stories about their Summers, except Sirius who appeared sullen. Remus knew what Sirius' life was like and really couldn't blame him if he had no exciting Summer stories to share. As they all boarded the train, after saying goodbyes to their parents and such, they found a compartment together. They talked and ate plently of sweets, played several games of exploding snap and next thing they knew they were almost at Hogwarts, prompting the boys to hurriedly dress in their robes. Remus kept his eyes focused out the window, hoping to see that first glimpse of Hogwarts and when he did he felt like he was home. He had forgotten about all his worries, none of them mattered at that moment.

The feast went over smoothly for most, though Sirius was unhappy to see that his younger brother was sorted into Slytherin. Remus wasn't surprised by this in the slightest, but he kept his mouth shut for Sirius' benefit. A few hours later Remus was dressed in his pajamas and tucked himself into bed, pulling the crimson covers all the way up to his chin. He felt very full from dinner, the start of year feast was his favourite and he always seemed to eat just a little too much. He did so because he knew he could benefit from gaining a little weight. The young boy drifted off to sleep after just a few minutes, thinking about how glad he was to be back. After what seemed like only a few minutes since he fell asleep, Remus was jolted awake by the sound of a door opening. He waited for the door to close again before opening the red curtains around his bed. He would hear the heavy breathing of his fellow seconds years, but Sirius' bed just happened to be empty. Remus slid out of bed and padded silently across the room, opening the door as quietly as he could. Just as he made it through the door and down the stairs from the dormitory, he saw an invisible figure making their way out of the common room. Remus immediately assumed that it had to be Sirius and had no doubts that he had taken James' invisibility cloak. The boy followed along quietly out the common room. It wasn't hard to follow Sirius. While the cloak made you invisible, it certainly didn't mask any of the sounds that the wearer made. Remus saw him slipping into a secret passageway that he recognised as an alternate path to the kitchen and the second year took another secret passageway there so Sirius wouldn't know he was being followed. It wasn't the most direct way to the kitchen and it took Remus close to twenty minutes to make his way down to the corridor where the kitchen was. When the Gryffindor boy reached the portrait, he tickled the pear and the portrait gave way, revealing the entrance to the kitchen where he immediately saw Sirius sitting alone at a bench staring at nothing at all.

A few house-elves marched towards Remus, bowing low they offered him a tray of custard creams, which they knew he had a penchant for. Despite still feeling full from the feast, he gladly accepted one and took a bite out of it. Remus quickly chewed and swallowed the mouthful of custard cream and shifted his focus to Sirius, who hadn't even seemed to notice him enter. "Y'know," he started, taking another bite from the treat in his hand, "I don't think James would be too happy about you taking his cloak without asking." Remus stayed exactly where he stood, staring at his best friend with concern. When Remus was upset about something he liked to have some space to calm down and wondered if Sirius would want space too. "Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want to continue to brood in silence?"

[sirius orion black]

Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
BUT I'VE BECOME WHAT I CAN'T BE
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

For once, Sirius, who normally was as observant and alert as an auror on a mission when he was sneaking out and gallivanting about the castle at night, was oblivious to his surroundings. He just sat there, as still as a dog smelling a rabbit, his usual energy gone as was the usual laughter in his eyes because his stare was as blank as any dead person’s. He was so absorbed in his thoughts he did not notice the house elves talk amongst themselves at a far corner. And most certainly, he did not notice that someone else just entered the kitchens.

It was not until that night that he realized that he truly cared about his little brother. His concern may be a far cry from the ideal concern a big brother should harbor for his little brother but it was enough to surprise even Sirius. Despite hating Regulus for always making him look even more repulsive to his parents because they had a son they can compare Sirius’ deviant behavior with; for being soft enough to believe everything their parents told him; and, for being naïve enough to actually live by the stupid rules set by his pure-blood supremacists parents, Sirius had always been secretly concerned about him. On the eyes of the untrained, Sirius practically did not give a damn what happened to Regulus. His pride made him act like he could not care less about his little brother because he was as bad as his parents so often and so full of conviction that it felt like, even to him, it was the truth.

His worried mind started projecting his brother’s future in Slytherin in detail. He let himself wonder whom his brother will spend most of his time with. He wondered which of the Slytherins would influence him the most. As he thought of the Slytherins, Andromeda, Snivellus and Narcissa instantly came to mind. Truth be told, he thought that neither of his Slytherin cousins were exactly the company he wanted for Regulus. But, if he would have to choose between the two girls, he would go with Andromeda without second thoughts. At least he could tell she was different from the rest of his family. As for Snivellus spending time with his brother… it was laughable. The fact that Severus Snape was a half-blood was probably enough turn off for his brother. Still too preoccupied to notice anything, he visibly jumped upon hearing someone speak from behind him.

He recognized the speaker at once without so much as a glance at him. “He’d forgive me.” Sirius said absently, wondering how long Remus had been watching him. Knowing his best friend was not a fool, Sirius was certain Remus knew he was upset and he most probably knew why especially after he snapped at a first year who was talking rather noisily just after Regulus was sorted, talked less and ate more during the feast. On the way to Gryffindor tower, Sirius had been less talkative and quite detached from his friends and upon arrival at the boy’s dormitory, he muttered that he was tired, retired to bed early, and closed the red bed hangings - a thing he does only when he was not in the best of moods. His suspicions were confirmed when Remus opened his mouth to speak again, this time, Sirius looked over his shoulder and eyed his best friend, his expression looked like that of a person who was currently having an internal debate.

He honestly did not how to answer Remus’ question. Sirius was very open with his friends and could not remember ever keeping secrets from them because he never felt the need to. He knew he could trust them with absolutely everything. In fact, between the two of them, it was Remus who was most likely to keep a secret. Sirius let out as sigh as he remembered that he, James and Peter still did not know where Remus went every month. He turned around without standing up so that he was facing Remus, who was holding a piece of custard cream on one hand, still thinking of how to best put his thoughts into words.

Sirius regarded his friend levelly and silently for a while. “I’m not happy about Reg’s sorting.” He told him truthfully, his shoulders slumped. “I have been hoping he would at least go to Ravenclaw, mate.” He confessed with a sad smile, disappointment etched on his beautiful and youthful features. “I guess he’s just going to turn out just as rotten as the rest of them.” Sirius said bitterly, let out a sigh and shook his head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

WORD COUNT 775
NOTES None
TAGGED Open
STATUS Finished
CREDITS Stop and Stare - OneRepublic
This template is made by Doe-Eyed Harlot of Caution.